The Empathetic Reaction
by battleostrich
Summary: In an AU version of The Decoupling Fluctuation, Penny breaks up with Leonard. Leonard gets a soothing beverage, Amy ponders Leonard's package and Sheldon lays a kiss on Amy.


Sheldon listened at his roommate's door. He knocked three times. "Leonard. Leonard. Leonard."

"Go away, Sheldon."

Sheldon nodded and opened the door. Leonard was curled up on his bed listening to his iPod.

"I brought you some chamomile tea."

"I don't want any tea." Leonard groaned into his pillow.

"Are you sure? Chamomile has a number of medicinal properties and is a natural sedative." Leonard laid on his bed unmoved, his back to Sheldon and the offered beverage. Sheldon frowned and continued, "Chamomile extract also possesses anti-hyperglycemic and anti-inflammatory properties. It can be used as mild laxative and in the treatment of hemorrhoids, but," Sheldon corrected himself, "the latter is only effective when applied topically, not ingested."

Leonard drew a ragged breath. "Good to know. I'm fine. I don't want any tea."

Sheldon hesitated and then sat down on the side of his roommate's bed.

"Sheldon, please. Leave me alone."

Sheldon set the hot tea on the nightstand and removed a cooled and untouched peppermint he'd left earlier. He looked at Leonard's back. "Leonard, you have been listening to emotional popular music that you think is soothing, but is really only enabling you to wallow in your depression. On the other hand, chamomile is a very soothing beverage."

When no reply came, Sheldon added, "How about you get up, drink this tea, shower and then we'll play an energizing round of the Mystic Warlord of Ka'ah? I'll spot you a Luminescence Spell, an Invisibility Spell and a Screaming Harpy. And, I'll even promise to play basic strategy and not count cards." Sheldon smiled jovially, poked Leonard's shoulder. "Now, that's an offer that can't be refused."

The lump of his roommate showed no movement. Sheldon continued, "Or we could go to the comic book store, maybe play some kinect Star Wars, 3-D chess or we could go to Koothrappali's and play the Halo 4 alpha."

"No thanks."

"Well, what if we went to a local drinking establishment? You could drown your sorrows with the barkeep or look for a new girlfriend. Maybe one that doesn't talk with food in her mouth, inexplicably change her shampoo or dither about her feelings for you?"

Leonard moaned loudly into his pillow and then rose on an elbow and shot an angry look at Sheldon. His glasses were off and his eyes were red rimmed and watery. "Sheldon, get out of here," said Leonard, his voice raw. "I don't want to go anywhere with you, I don't want to play any games with you and I really, _really_, can't stress this part enough: I don't want to talk to you. _Please_, just leave me alone."

"Would you like me to call your mother?"

"God, no!" Leonard thumped his fist into his pillow. "Why the hell would I want to talk to my mother?"

"Well, she is a dual doctorate M.D./PhD, a notable psychiatrist and must have considerable theoretical experience in guiding people through emotional—"

"Sheldon!"

Sheldon looked at him warily. "Do you want to talk to my Mom?"

"I don't want to talk to anyone. I just want to be alone." Leonard sniffed, "Born alone, die alone, isn't that right?"

"Leonard, I'm worried about your emotional state." Sheldon covered his eyes briefly, summoning courage. He was afraid it would come to this. "If you come into the living room we can watch Babylon 5."

Slowly, Leonard turned his head to look at Sheldon. "Really? You would be willing to watch Babylon 5?"

Sheldon swallowed and nodded firmly. "Yes. However, I retain the right to offer a scathing critique as we watch."

"Another time, maybe."

"This is a one time only offer," Sheldon countered, hopefully.

Leonard settled back into his pillow. "Thanks, but I'll pass."

Sheldon glanced towards the door and back at his friend. After a long pause, he said, "Leonard, I don't know how to help you."

"You can't. Not unless you can make Penny fall in love with me."

Sheldon nodded and rose from the bed to leave. At the door, he turned back. "Leonard?"

"What?" Leonard moaned. He rolled over on his side to look at Sheldon.

"I'm sorry Penny ended your relationship."

"Thanks," Leonard replied in a croaky whisper and then buried himself under the sheets.

##########

When Sheldon returned to the living room, Amy was seated on the middle cushion of the couch, her hands neatly folded over her knees. She hadn't been there when he'd left to tend to Leonard, but he wasn't the least bit surprised to find her there now. Waiting there, next to his spot, she looked like she could belong nowhere else. So, he joined her on the couch.

Amy looked at him with worried eyes. "How's Leonard?" she asked.

Sheldon looked down the hall. "Sad."

"It's to be expected. Penny wants to drown her remorse with a girls night out in Korea town." Amy nudged a brown paper bag at her feet. "I was directed to meet her at home after work with cotton-candy vodka."

Sheldon stared through the closed door towards apartment 4B, his eyes hard and lips drawn tight. "I told her not to break up with him."

Amy's mouth formed a thin line. "The heart wants what the heart wants, Sheldon. Or in this case, doesn't want."

Sheldon jerked his head and looked at Amy as though she'd suggested Earth was at the center of the universe. "That's utter claptrap. If the relationship wasn't working out, Penny just needed to try a bit harder, not give up on him. Leonard's best quality is his malleability. I've been reprogramming him for years." Sheldon shook his head. "Penny just can't handle a task that requires more patience and foresight than needed to program a DVR."

"That's not fair," Amy replied, "Penny said they had agreed to go slow and then Leonard proposed. She said it didn't feel right to let it go on when she is so uncertain about the relationship."

Sheldon rolled his eyes. "She doesn't know how she feels," he parroted.

"Yes, that's why she ended it." Amy gave a one shoulder shrug. "Either that, or maybe she just forgot he had a small penis."

Sheldon's eyes popped wide and he gave Amy a stern look.

"What? It's a valid hypothesis. Human males have by far the largest relative penile size of the great apes, so it's a logical assumption that size may have evolved via female choice. While I have previously estimated the size of Leonard's genitals in a spatial reasoning exercise, I have not observed if his endowment is proportional to his height. If it is, that is a valid biological reason Penny finds him unsuitable as a mate."

Sheldon frowned, he was uncertain what the standard social protocol was for discussing his roommate's genitalia with his girlfriend.

She continued, "The height-length relationship in humans has been shown to be only weakly correlated." Amy cast a hungry look at Sheldon, "Yet somehow, tall, dark, and handsome can still really get a girl's motor running."

He swallowed and then said, "If you'll forgive the limited sample size of just my friends, the correlation is mostly accurate from my observations in bathroom emergencies and that night in the arctic."

He saw her eyes travel up his legs and rest where his hands were curled together in his lap. He shifted uneasily and her attention snapped to his face, but her expression was dazed. "I'm sorry," she said, "what night in the arctic?"

He waved her curiosity aside. "Doesn't matter. So, you don't think they will resume this tedious on-again off-again affair?"

Amy shrugged. "How should I know? Leonard's desperate attempts to procure a stable relationship with Penny are an expression of his biological desire to mate and attach his genes to her superior ones. Penny has a robust physique and many high quality secondary sexual characteristics. From a biological perspective, Leonard would make an exceptional long term mate. He's intelligent, a good resource provider and, while not unattractive, he is unlikely to be lured away from child rearing duties by other females."

Sheldon looked at Amy, now confused. "Then why did she break up with him?"

"Currently, she has no conscious desire to procreate. Penny's primal hindbrain believes her raw beauty can procure a higher quality mate than Leonard. However, Penny isn't getting any younger. She might easily wake up one morning to the clanging of her biological alarm clock and decide she loves Leonard again."

Sheldon snorted. "Their babies will be smart and beautiful."

Amy frowned and studied him for a moment. She said, "Intelligence and physical features are heritable, but genetic recombination is a crap shoot. There is just as much chance they could have average looking kids that barely break 1400 on their SATs."

After a long pause, he raised his head and said to her, "What about when two people are more evenly matched?"

"Height wise? Like Howard and Bernadette?"

"No," he scowled. "I mean if two organisms had a superior genetic quality."

When she spoke, her voice was a deep and rich tone he was sure he had never heard. "Do they find each other both highly and equally sexually desirable?" She looked at him without blinking.

Sheldon shifted uncomfortably in his spot. He glanced at her and then his eyes skittered away.

"Yes, hypothetically speaking."

"Then hypothetically speaking," Amy's voice wavered a little, "their babies will be perfect little superior beings."

########

Amy waited while Sheldon took a long moment to consider what she had said and then he nodded in silent assent. She held back a delighted gasp and simply smiled, amazed at his tacit agreement.

Sheldon cast a look down the apartment hallway towards Leonard's room. Suddenly, he turned his whole body to face hers. "Amy, are you happy with our relationship?"

Amy stared at him. He looked genuinely anxious. She said, "Yes, but, as I'm sure you know, there are things I would wish to see more progress on."

Sheldon and Amy looked at each other for a long while, neither smiling. They heard footfalls in the hall, a curse and a jangle of keys hitting the hardwood floor. A few seconds later, they heard 4B's door yawn open and then clang shut with the thud of a swift kick.

Amy rocked forward on the couch, still looking towards the hallway beyond the closed front door. "I should go. As Penny's best friend, I feel it is my responsibility to ensure that only a safe amount of alcohol is consumed tonight—Oh!"

As she turned back, Amy felt his lips half on her mouth, half on her cheek. As quickly as he had lent in, Sheldon escaped back to his spot on the couch. His eyes were wide and round. Clearly, he was as stunned as she was by his sudden urge to kiss her.

Amy stared at him with renewed wonder. She wasn't sure whether he had aimed for her mouth or her cheek. Either way, he'd tried for something and she felt her heart contract with joy.

Quickly, she lent in and pressed her lips back to his. She pulled back half an inch and saw his eyes open, revealing a blue ocean of uncertainty and doubt. She sent a hope and maybe even a prayer and then waited. One second passed, then two and then three. Finally, it happened. Sheldon gave an inch and gingerly, but sweetly, kissed her wholly for the first time.

It lasted only a second, but Amy felt a warmth burst inside her like she had never known. She lent back, out of his space, and she saw his flushed face. Her heart raced and her lips tingled and she immediately took his right hand in both of hers. She wanted to laugh, scream and cry, but she just smiled, happily.

He squeezed her hand and slowly, with growing confidence, a smile tugged at one corner of his mouth.

"That kind of progress?" he asked, smugly.

She laughed and then managed a nod and they studied one another.

A jarring bell tolled on her phone and Amy dragged her eyes from Sheldon's to check her messages. It was Penny. "I should go," she said, reluctantly.

"Will you call me tonight, at the usual time?"

Amy shook her head. "No, I think we'll be out late. I'm driving, so I'll be the last one home."

"Then text me, so I know you're fine."

On impulse, she swiftly kissed his pale cheek. His hand slipped out of hers as she rose from the couch and left the apartment. She closed the door behind her and lent back against it. Amy cupped her burning cheeks in her cool palms and waited for her pounding heart to slow in her chest. It took quite awhile.

The end.

Thanks for reading!


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